


I've Never Felt So Full Of Light

by Atlanta_Black



Series: Merlin One-shots [1]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Arthur Knows About Merlin's Magic (Merlin), LanceDeservedBetter2020, M/M, Magic Revealed, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), POV Arthur Pendragon (Merlin), arthur is so gone over merlin, brief mention of the hella awesome friendship between merlin and lance, it's just soft really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-06
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:02:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24033226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atlanta_Black/pseuds/Atlanta_Black
Summary: He’d thought maybe, once his father was dead, once he was King — he’d thought maybe Merlin would just tell him. Would trust him enough to tell him.But Merlin keeps beaming at him and creeping around the castle thinking that he’s doing a good job of hiding the most obvious thing in the world. Keeps showing up in the morning looking exhausted and bruised and brushing off Arthur’s concern.They're both disasters who just want each other, but really what else is new?
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Series: Merlin One-shots [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1875181
Comments: 21
Kudos: 727





	I've Never Felt So Full Of Light

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Caty_314](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Caty_314/gifts), [queerofthedagger](https://archiveofourown.org/users/queerofthedagger/gifts).



> ALRIGHT! I originally watched this show in 2013 and I am just now finally posting my very first fic in this fandom!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm excited and all my love to Caty & Mona for talking about Merlin so much with me that I can't focus on anything else <3 Y'all are the best Merlin wives ever xxx

The creeping, nagging suspicion had been coming on for years now. Had been building and sitting in the back of his mind just waiting for him to acknowledge it. Waiting for Merlin to do something, anything, to irrevocably prove that it was right.

He supposes that there had really been plenty of instances that he could have used as proof. Plenty of times that Merlin had slipped up just enough that Arthur could have called him on it. And he’d thought about it. Thought about it and thought of the relief that seemed to leave Merlin sagging every time Arthur bought one of his poorly thought out lies.

He’d thought about it and then very carefully, stopped thinking about it.

He’d thought maybe, once his father was dead, once he was King — he’d thought maybe Merlin would just tell him. Would trust him enough to tell him.

But Merlin keeps beaming at him and creeping around the castle thinking that he’s doing a good job of hiding the most obvious thing in the world. Keeps showing up in the morning looking exhausted and bruised and brushing off Arthur’s concern.

He isn’t sure if this is because Merlin doesn’t believe that Arthur would bother to care about him or because Merlin doesn’t care about himself. He doesn’t care for either of these options. Finds himself uselessly wishing that Lancelot were still alive to talk some sense into his idiotic servant.

He had wanted to wait, wanted to let Merlin _choose_ to tell him. But he’s beginning to think that he’ll have to take this matter into his own hands. Is beginning to understand, that if he leaves it up to Merlin, he’ll die never getting to hear about all that Merlin has done for him.

  


* * *

  


The crop reports on his desk go ignored as he watches Merlin move around the room, humming to himself and doing his nightly ritual. He wonders if Merlin realizes that this is the third time he’s fluffed the pillows. Wonders if Merlin thinks that he’s oblivious to his servants efforts to stay near him for as long as possible.

Considering that Merlin seems to think him oblivious to quite a lot, he wouldn’t be surprised to find out that he thinks him oblivious of this as well.

Merlin has just started to fluff the pillows for a fourth time when Arthur decides that he’s had enough. He has an entire speech planned in his head. A speech about how ‘of course he still trusts him’ and ‘no he’s not scared’. He has a plan. He wants Merlin to feel _safe_.

He has a plan.

And then he gets distracted watching Merlin’s hands curl around the edges of the pillow and— “Merlin, do you trust me?” — the question spills out of him without his permission. The question that he’s been stubbornly, furiously ignoring. _Why doesn’t Merlin trust him?_

“Of course I trust you, Arthur. What’s brought this on?” Merlin turns to smile at him, eyes gentle, hands still absently making the bed even as he looks Arthur over as if he can determine the source of the question just by looking at him. He feels mildly gratified by how easily Merlin answers but the question is still there. Merlin has always answered this question the same and yet… Yet he still hasn’t told Arthur his secret.

He means to start his speech. He really does. He’d gotten a bit of a false start but he could still save it and start over.

He means to stick to the plan.

But this time he gets distracted by the slant of Merlin’s mouth as he frowns, clearly worried about whatever he sees on Arthur face.

“You lie to me an awful lot for someone who trusts me.” He hadn’t meant for the words to come out so cold. Hadn’t meant for those words to come out at all.

Merlin’s frozen, the pillow slipping from his fingers as he stares at Arthur, mouth parted and eyes wide. He’s never looked more like a startled deer and Arthur hates it. Hates that Merlin really thinks he just wouldn’t notice. Hates that Merlin hadn’t told him. He drags a hand over his face and sighs. He’s going about this all wrong. A speech was never going to work. He knows that. He had hoped he’d be able to fall into the familiar rhythm of a rehearsed speech but he should have known that wouldn’t work with Merlin.

He stands up, _hates_ the way that Merlin’s eyes dart to the sword laying across his desk. He goes and leans against the window ledge, trying to make his posture as unthreatening as he can, watches Merlin’s eyes flick between him and the sword and the door.

“Merlin, come here. _Please._ ” He points to the space directly in front of him and Merlin does so, looking as if Arthur has already handed out his death sentence. “Merlin, do you trust me?” He asks again, voice soft and one hand held out, palm up.

Merlin closes his eyes for a long second, and just stands there, fists clenched at his sides and face pale. Arthur barely dares to breathe, wondering if this was finally, finally going to be it. When Merlin finally opens his eyes they’re burning gold. “Yes.” He takes a deep breath and then tentatively places his hand in Arthur’s. “Yes, of course I trust you, sire.”

Arthur grins, feeling as if the golden light in Merlin’s eyes must have taken root behind his ribs. Has never felt as full of light as he does now. He tugs Merlin in for a hug, burying his face in the servants hair. His smile somehow grow wider when Merlin carefully hugs him back, body still just a tad too tense.

“Don’t go getting all proper on me now.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” Merlin chokes out, the last of the tension bleeding out of him and it’s not until Arthur feels something wet on his collarbone that he realizes what the slight shaking of Merlin’s body means.

“Merlin, are you crying you great girl?” He asks softly, tightening his hold when Merlin tries to pull away.

“Don’t be stupid.” Merlin mutters, voice choked. “Why would I be crying?”

“Yes, that’s what I wondered too.” He waits until Merlin sniffs and stops shaking before he continues. “After all, what in the world could you have to cry about when your kind and amazing King has so kindly held you in the face of such a—”

“Oh shut up.” Merlin mutters, shoving away, a smile on his face despite himself. “You’re about as kind as the cook when I steal sweet buns.”

He blinks, considers that. “Do you mean to say,” he says slowly, beginning to feel quite offended, “that you have been stealing sweet buns and haven’t brought me any?”

“Er…” Merlin shifts guiltily, glances towards the door and then back at Arthur. “No? Is that really what we’re concerned about right now?” He asks weakly.

“It’s what I’m concerned about.”

“You’re not concerned about…” Merlin trails off, rubbing at the back of his head.

“Concerned about what, Merlin?”

“About…” He glares at Arthur, some of his usual annoyingness seeming to come back to him. “You know what I mean.”

“Hm…I’m sure I can’t know that unless you say what you mean.”

“My magic you prat.”

“Obviously I’m not worried about that, _Merlin_.” He rolls his eyes, ignoring the offended look on Merlin’s face.

“But… why aren’t you worried? Why aren’t you mad?” Merlin asks plaintively, his hands twisting at the hem of his shirt. _“Why don’t you hate me?”_ He asks so quietly that Arthur can barely hear him even with how close they’re standing.

“Merlin,” he reaches out and carefully cups Merlin’s face between his hands, eyes catching on the way Merlin’s mouth parts automatically, “Merlin, Merlin, Merlin. _I could never hate you._ ”

A strangled whimper tears out of Merlin right before he pushes Arthur up against the window and kisses him as if his life depends on it. Merlin’s palm settles like a brand around the back of Arthur’s neck and he has never felt more at peace than he does right now.

Merlin pushes closer as if he’s trying to find a way to crawl under Arthur’s skin and Arthur thinks that he would let him. Would let Merlin do anything he wanted if it meant he could keep him close.

“It was always for you.” Merlin whispers, pulling back just far enough to speak, lips still brushing Arthur’s with every word.

“I know.” He whispers back, his hands still cradling Merlin’s face.

“I’ve always, _always_ used it just for you.”

“Merlin, I know. I know.” He murmurs, using his thumb to brush away the tears leaking down Merlin’s face. “You said you trust me right?”

“Of course, I’m all yours, of course I trust you.” The words trip off Merlin’s tongue and into Arthur’s mouth and Merlin’s trust sinks into his bones and settles like a blanket over his skin.

“Then trust me when I say, that I know.” He presses a kiss to Merlin’s right cheek. “I’ve known for ages that it was all for me.” Presses a kiss to Merlin’s left cheek, watches his eyes slip close. “I _know_ that you’re mine.” Presses a kiss to his nose. “Just as I am yours.”

“Two sides of the same coin.” Merlin whispers right before Arthur kisses him.

It fits.

He walks Merlin backwards towards the bed, turns the words over in his mind. Two sides of the same coin. That sounds right.

Two sides of a coin could never be separated.

It was fitting since he was never going to let Merlin be taken away.

_Do you remember the way I kissed you? I’ve never felt so full of light._

_fin._


End file.
